Intruder

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Hello Doris it's me no no no problem just calling to catch you up on my doings.

Well last night when it was time for bed I turned out all the lights and then I said to myself I wonder if I closed and locked that back door. So I went out to the kitchen in the dark and when I got there I heard the creek of the door opening and I thought to myself I better have a weapon so I reached out to the kitchen table and my hand landed on my blister pack I picked it up and bopped that intruder right on the nose quite a bop it didn't hurt him of course but it shocked him a bit and pills were just raining down from everywhere and he stepped on a pile of them flipped up in the air and went down flat on his back on the linoleum. I thought well this is my chance so I reached out for my cane you know the one with the foot on the bottom and I swung it in the air with the idea of putting it down on his chest holding him there until I could get some help as I swung it up in the air my glasses went careening off my nose to heaven knows where and my fall alarm went off saying “WE DETECT A FALL SPEAK IN TO THE MICROPHONE”.

No no no no I didn't fall and the voice from the gizmo around my neck accepted this and disappeared. But while talking to my chest and swinging my cane I loose my balance and go flying to the floor landing on the intruder the fall alarm finally stops jabbering and I hear another voice coming from somewhere on the floor saying get off me it’s Mr. Dexter from next door and I thought oh my lord so I got up brushing the pills off me helping up poor Mr. Dexter and I said why are creeping through my back door in the middle of the night? He said  I got home from my book club and I saw that your bin was still at the curb and I thought to myself I would take it back to where she keeps it and save her the trouble don’t know why they make those bins so big it was heavy as sin. I got it back here I looked up at the back door and said to myself that door does not look like it was fully closed. So I went to the back porch and sure enough it was open a crack and I stepped in and the rest is history. I said shall I put the kettle on? And he said no no gotta get home to Mirabelle she worries about me if I am out to late. Mirabelle is his cat but I cant judge because I talk to my plants and what’s more they talk back. He went home to Mirabelle and I didn’t have the heart to tell him the bin collection wasn’t today but tomorrow so I went out and took it back to the curb hoping it would be collected early so I could get it back here before he comes from his physiotherapy and finds out what a silly old fool he is. I went in swept up the pills and looked for my glasses which I still haven’t found and I thought to myself it’s a good thing I didn’t cry out during all of this or I probably would have lost my dentures as well. I tell you Dorris I’m ninety percent spare parts and 10 percent me.

I gotta go the chemist now and get a new blister pack.
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Say what you will about our neighbourhood Doris but its full of good people…  and its never dull.
 

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